The Jewish calendar is famous for having time periods set aside for different aspects of human living. The days spanning Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are known as a time for introspection, resolution, and change.
While this lends an opportunity for self-growth and forgiveness, many people find this time stressful and frightening. Focusing on where we fell short can quickly become disheartening.
Can guilt be healthy?
We experience guilt for a reason. It is human to make mistakes, and the feeling of guilt is a signal that something is wrong. If you find yourself occasionally regretting something you’ve said or done, congratulations! It means you are self-aware and honest with yourself.
Ideally, you can channel the guilt into productive and positive change. Sometimes, however, frequent bouts of guilt can lead to an unhealthy sense of shame and low self-esteem.
Not all our actions reflect who we want to be, and that’s ok. Focusing on change rather than on the guilt can help us utilize guilt in a healthy way.
An Affirmative Confession
My friend and colleague, Dr. Katja Vehlow recently shared Rabbi Avi Weiss’ affirmative vidui with me. This prayer is one that chooses to focus on our positive actions.
At a time when we typically focus on where we have fallen short, this is a beautiful reminder that we are more than the sum of our transgressions. While it is important to be open about our flaws, it is just as important to focus on our strengths, and on letting them propel us forward into new improvements and healing.
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אָהַבְנוּ,
בֵּרַכְנוּ, גָּדַלְנוּ, דִּבַּרְנוּ יֹפִי |
We have loved,
We have blessed, We have grown, We have spoken positively. |
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הֶעֱלִינוּ, וְחַסְנוּ, זֵרַזְנוּ, חָמַלְנוּ, טִפַּחְנוּ אֱמֶת |
We have raised up,
We have shown compassion, We have acted enthusiastically, We have been empathetic, We have cultivated truth. |
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יָעַצְנוּ טוֺב, כִּבַּדְנוּ, לָמַדְנוּ, מָחַלְנוּ, נִחַמְנוּ, סָלַלְנוּ, עוֺרַרְנוּ, פָּעַלְנוּ, צָדַקְנוּ, קִוִּינוּ לָאָרֶץ |
We have given good advice,
We have respected, We have learned, We have forgiven, We have comforted, We have been creative, We have stirred, We have been spiritual activists, We have been just, We have longed for Israel. |
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רִחַמְנוּ, שָׁקַדְנוּ, תָּמַכְנוּ, תָּרַמְנוּ, תִּקַּנּוּ |
We have been merciful,
We have given full effort, We have supported, We have contributed, We have repaired. |
Reach out
It can be really tough to deal with feelings of shame and guilt on your own. Finding a healthy balance between self-growth and regret can get complicated. For compassionate guidance and accepting support, you can reach out to Marcia today.
Marcia Kesner, MS, LPC, LMHC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Mental Health Counselor who has provided psychotherapy in the Orthodox Jewish community for over twenty years. Call her today or fill in the contact form.
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