Too often, life in our communities carries expectations that we just can’t meet. Instead of providing support, social expectations that are unattainable can make us feel ashamed or unworthy.
These feelings of shame can lead us to isolate ourselves from the people that should be providing us companionship and friendship. At other times, we scramble to find validation of our worthiness. Do you try to act in ways to earn that you think will prove your value? When we contort ourselves to fit other people, and other people’s expectations, we can lose pieces of ourselves in the process.
Pretending to be perfect while we secretly feel ashamed or unworthy
Some of us pretend to be perfect, instead of admitting that behind the image we try to project, we felt small and undeserving. We try to outrun our inner emptiness. In this process, we start to give away our neshama piece by piece, through secret keeping and image management.
People adopt many stratagems to avoid the pain of feeling shameful and insufficient. Do you seek escape by working until you are totally depleted, compulsive shopping, or giving yourself away through endless volunteering? For some people, overeating or starving become ways of dealing with feelings of shame or just not measuring up. Such behaviors can give the appearance of freedom, but are actually are addictions. While living in addiction, true freedom impossible.
From shame to acceptance
Feeling ashamed is not a good long term strategy. In therapy, you can learn to feel valued, important, and loved. We have imperfections, but we can learn to feel accepted “warts and all”. In psychotherapy with Marcia you will explore the root causes of disconnection; the fear, self-judgement, pain and shame that got us to where we are today. We find ways to return to our true self and realize we are all in this together, perfectly imperfect and worthy of others and Hashem’s love in this moment.
Please share this post!
